Trust Issues

Do I have a trust issues? Well, everyone has uncertainty about whom to trust, how much to trust, and so forth at one time or another. In fact, everyday we make choices about whom and how much to trust, and sometimes we are more willing to trust than at other times. And for me It's not a good thing. Some experiences of mine has lead me to become an excessively mistrust person.

When mistrust seems to play a dominant role in a person's life, past disappointments or betrayals may be at the root of the issue. Mistrust is a valid and reasoned response to feeling betrayed or abandoned, but a person's life can be adversely affected when feelings of mistrust are pervasive, resulting in anxiety, anger, or self-doubt.

Sometimes, I regret opening up to some people because everytime I told someone something about myself it got out. It kind of sucks. I hated the fakeness. Especially when someone start drama and end up telling everyone's business including yours when you confided in them because you thought you could trust them when you shouldn't have. And the sad part is, you still got the blame for something that's happened. You even got the label for being mean or rude for some people. Do you ever think that maybe she's not cold hearted, maybe she's just tired for all the drama? It's just, I don't understand anymore. I don't know what's happening. I don't know what I should do because It seems like everything I do is wrong. So, I am done. I am so done. I stopped everything. I stopped talking to people. Stopped hanging out with them and stuff. I don't want to be around them anymore for now. Because I literally think my soul is exhausted from the experience of trusting people. Now, I just feel pain. A lot of pain. And I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong. It hurts so bad.

My problem is that I trust people too much. And when I do that I just end up getting hurt. I remember awhile ago there was someone. We were friends. Best friends. I can always count on him. He taught me a lot of things. To believe, to never give up on life and more importantly to respect myself. It was such a good time back then. We were having fun. Like we already knew each other for a long time.  I enjoyed every single time we have spent together...
Then, things happened. A horrible one. I thought I really knew him but I was wrong. I didn't. I figured that he lead me on, took me for granted, used me or whatever it is. I remember some of my friends has already warned me about this,  but I didn't listen because I thought he was really different. But no, I got screwed over. Again. I didn't know how I felt back then, I was just... numb. Torn? Betrayed? I don't know. All I wanted to do was cry and cry. Everything has just changed after that. We were no longer friends. Two complete strangers. 

You know I used to believe in forever, but I know forever is too good to be true. I don't know who to trust anymore. I hate it personally because having real trust issues is sucks. It's a sad vicious circles of insecurities and hurt that seems almost impossible to change sometimes. I know I will never get over this but I hope that one day, these trust issues get to where it doesn't bothers me anymore....